Reigniting with My Why

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It’s days like this that I remember why I’m doing what I’m doing with this chemotherapy process.

I just got out on my first hike in 7 months. I have so much pride when I think of this 1-mile hike and how it took a total of 1 hr and 20 minutes. Chemo kicks my ass. It takes the simplest, smallest things and makes them feel almost insurmountable. But then I have a day like this. A day where I can be out in the world, smiling and moving my body. Where each step feels like that final step across the finish line. It hurts but it feels so good. Victory is always just one step away.

I cried no less than 3 times on this hike. Pure adrenaline. Pure love. Pure joy in my surroundings. Pure power in feeling it deep in my heart center that this is my “why”. This is my reason for the medical intervention, pain, and grief. I do it because there are people I love, places I long to see, other worlds to experience, and for more time in nature.

I haven’t felt my reasons for a while now. This past year and a half have been so isolating. To enter chemotherapy and even more isolation during a time of global isolation is beyond heartbreaking. All of my “why’s” have felt inaccessible because of something much greater than me. I long for human touch, hugs, laughter, and tears with the people I love most. For this, I’ll keep marching forward one step at a time. Thanks for the reminder, nature.

You don’t have to be going through chemo to reconnect with your why. That thing that keeps you moving forward during tough times. What’s your “why”?

Share some of your “why’s” in the comments setion below.